Archive for » 2009 «

31
Dec
Evolving to Become the Super Self
admin

With seemingly countless therapies available to the “seeker of the self”, and thousands, if not millions, of books dedicated to the subject of self-help, we live in an age where personal development is big business. Undoubtedly, it is a natural progression according to Maslowes’ hierarchy of needs, and it fits with our innate evolutionary drive to explore. Having arrived at this new age of discovery both for the individual and the mass, we are undoubtedly going somewhere we have never until now, really allowed ourselves to go before – deeply inward.

Until of late humans have been externally driven, striving to control their external circumstances to survive. We have done this, perhaps too well, or equally, not well enough depending on your point of view. But what cannot be denied is that our efforts have all been for the sole purpose of one thing: to abate our fear, doing all that we can to feel more secure, more in control.

The irony is of course, personally, individually and collectively, we aren’t really feeling in control, and deep down we all know that security is an illusion that we have settled for and work hard to maintain. Regardless of how much one might personally accumulate, it is never enough, greed only begets the same, and of course once one has accumulated so much, there is the problem of securing those ‘securities’, causing more anxiety, more fear.

The mind is driven by fear and is mostly always busy looking for trouble. If it is not analysing things, judging things, planning things, worrying about things, preoccupied with trying to control the outcome of things, it is repeating troubling thoughts over and again compounding their effect on us, and orientating us to become negatively fixated both outwardly and inwardly. It means well, but it is having the opposite effect. It is no wonder we are searching for relief, and having been disappointed that we haven’t found it outside of ourselves, we have nowhere to go but within.

It was once thought that all roads led to Rome. That may once have been true, but what has always been true and always will be true is that all things are born of the mind. And if we are to truly find the self that we are all, in one way or another, seeking to find, then we have no choice but to overcome the negative aspects of the mind that has served us only too well. We must learn to develop a mind that is not oriented by fear, or the need to control. Fear is a primal instinct and it has served us well, it has brought us to this place. But we have outgrown its need to dominate us.

As a species we have approached an evolutionary fork in the road. Some are and will undoubtedly continue along the path of fear and will consequently (I suspect) terminate, or at best remain a ‘backward’ species in the evolutionary chain. For those who chose the other path, they will transcend what we now are, becoming liberated from the shackles of a fear driven existence.

The question of course is what does the other path, the assumed ‘higher’ path lead to? There is only one antidote to fear. It is love, peace, joy, compassion, allowing. When the mind is developed to become oriented to love and all its equivalent expressions, it becomes transformed and the process of self-actualisation is its natural outcome. For true love of course must first be experienced as self love before it can ever be extended to and experienced beyond the self.

For more information on how to develop your mind please visit:
www.positivemindstates.com

This article may be reprinted with the author’s name and website address intact. Thank You.

Christine Gray Flynn

About Me — I have spent many years in the study of personal development. Diagnosed with leaukemia 11 years ago. I used the power of meditation, autosuggestion and visualization to heal myself. I knew I could do this because I realised it was the way I was using my mind in the first place that made me ill. Our mind is the most precious resource for creating the life we want and whatever way we work it – works!

www.positivemindstates.com

  • Share/Bookmark
Category: Uncategorized  Tags: , , , , , ,  Comments off
30
Dec
Become Irresistible to Women with Self Confidence Techniques
admin

Are you a believer in the incredible power of words? The following is a simple self confidence technique that really works to increase your confidence and attractiveness. Give this a go and see how you can really increase your sex appeal.

Have you noticed that women are turned off men that lack confidence? They find such men just not attractive, men that are nervous, stammer or are putting on an act. Most women are very sensitive to this type of thing. Good confidence is real turn on to a woman.

The more a woman is 10 out of 10, the more insecure most men will become.

Most women seem to be attracted to a strong masculine but emotionally expressive man, which allows them to surrender and let go, especially in sex. They want to feel safe. The bad news is that if you go on and meet your date with your 10 out of 10 woman in a nervous state, she’ll smell it a mile away. That is assuming you got her to say yes to a date in the first place.

There is a deep biological basis to this. Women are child bearers and have nurturing qualities that have a genetic basis. Look at the differences in young girls and boys play to see this. Young boys play war games and girls play marriage games. Women want a strong man to provide and help look after the children in a stable relationship.

Really hot women usually test men in some way to see if they are up to the challenge and who do not fold like a wimp. One way men fold is to break the eye contact with a new woman when first meeting. Also, a hot woman gets asked out many times a day. Usually a man will say, “Gee you are beautiful, can I ask you out?”

Imaging been approached like that many times a day and you can see why the attractive woman will just turn away with such a lame approach. I have also noticed the power of a two letter word. Men that say the simple word NO will be rare around very sexy women. Most men are too scared and needy to just say no to things that their woman wants but they do not want.

So what are the 7 words that help to make you more irresistible to women? These words are very useful when you have a hot date lined up and want to feel more confident and at ease.

So before you meet your date or even before you ask her out say these words…

I love myself and I am irresistible.

Now this might just seem like positive thinking but if you say this many times each day, you will start to feel this way. Think of how many times a day you put yourself down in some way by some sort of negative thinking, especially around hot women. It is important to do the exercise each day for at least a week.

When repeating this affirmation, it is very important to really feel in your body how an irresistible man would be. How would he stand and talk and what would his body language be. How would he engage the women by his eye gaze? Really start to feel in your body what an irresistible man is like.

When you repeat this self confidence technique each day your body will actually learn and feel what an irresistible man is. When you are feeling like this in your body, women will be attracted to you and not even know why. If you really love yourself, women will feel this and feel you will be able to love them too.

Relationships will become more about giving and less about neediness. The result is magic when two come together just to give and love. Long, loving relationships are the result. When you love in freedom and really give your partner total permission to be herself or himself, they will never leave you.

Another way to create this feeling of self-love is to imagine back in your past when you were totally successful with a women. We all have something from our past when we felt on top of the world and this radiated out. When we want to feel powerful, just turn your mind back to this situation and imagine in again. Again try to feel what it felt like in your body. Breathe it in to your belly.

I hope this simple self confidence technique will help you increase your self-confidence and confidence and lead to more dating success.

Maurice Tate is a qualified councilor who specializes with couples. Learn to better sexual relationships and masterbation tips and interpret body language.

  • Share/Bookmark
Category: Uncategorized  Tags: , , , , , , ,  Comments off
28
Dec
Transformation Through Forgiveness: From Self-Loathing to Self-Love
admin

Self-loathing can show up when you least expect it and can live in your psyche without your even knowing it. It’s like a dirty little secret that only you know about. You fear others will find out so you bury it into the deep recesses of your consciousness, hoping that it will never surface. The irony is that what you think is hidden is really radiating out from you by the choices you make, the relationships you are in and even in how you look. Do you smile often, welcoming the world? Or is there a heaviness surrounding you that drains you of energy? By masking those parts of you that you hold in judgment in darkness you are actually perpetuating your self-loathing, not healing it. By denying your darkest thoughts their natural path to the surface you are holding them in a place where they will take root and soon begin bearing bitter fruit.

Self-loathing can bear this fruit in many ways. Do any of these scenarios sound familiar?

Maybe it’s the comment you didn’t make when someone disrespected you because you felt too unworthy to speak up for yourself? You make matters worse by beating yourself up and obsessively thinking about what you should have said.

Maybe it’s the continued verbal abuse you allow a family member to throw at you? It’s not okay for anyone to scream at you and put you down….including you! Do you believe you deserve this?

Maybe it’s the obsessive negative thoughts you have about your body, your weight, your job, your finances, your family? These unhealthy energy-drainers steal your inner resources for making lasting healthy choices and changes.

Step 1: Right now take out a piece of paper and divide it into 4 Columns. Title them: Column 1 = “Situation”, Column 2 = “My Responsibility”, Column 3 = “My Self-Judgment” and Column 4 = “Reframing Through Forgiveness”

Step 2: In column 1, list all the circumstances you are currently complaining about. Simply list them; you will begin looking at them in more detail in the subsequent steps.

Step 3: Carefully go over the list and look at your responsibility in each situation. List your insights in column 2. This is not to make you see where you are wrong, only where you are blocking positive opportunity. This actually transfers the power of change and possibility back into your hands. When you blame external factors for your situation, you are living from a victim consciousness and this disempowers you.

Step 4: In column 3, write down your self-judgments in each circumstance. In these situations, did you make a decision before having all the facts and lack self-trust because of it? Did you judge yourself as stupid or inept because of it?

For example: Look at all the people today who lost their life-savings based on what they thought were “tried and true” methods of investing. Would you be willing to look at the fact that you did the best you could with the information you had and stop beating yourself up? Instead, choose to learn the lesson now, so you can move on and avoid a similar lesson in the future. And always be kind to yourself. Being mean to yourself doesn’t help anything. It just increases the negativity in your day and reinforces your self-loathing.

Step 4: In column 4, write down how you could see these circumstances in a positive light if you were to reframe your thinking through the light of forgiveness. Forgive all your self-judgments. It’s time to really let yourself off the hook this time. Look at the list you made in Step 2 and notice if you are still holding onto your anger. If you are then I want you to start reframing your judgments. Instead of holding on to the judgment that you are stupid-let that go and instead realize that you were doing the best you could with the information you had. If you could have done better-you would have. I believe that whole-heartedly. Do some soul-searching. Was there a step you missed? Were you in denial about something so you didn’t see the situation clearly?

It’s your job alone to take back your power by becoming aware of when you are thinking negative thoughts about yourself. No one else can do this for you.

Step 5: In the future moments when you notice that you are having a negative thought about yourself, make the decision to think of something good about yourself instead. It’s your world and your mind—how about filling it up with beautiful thoughts about yourself? A key question to ask yourself in order to shift your energy is, “What’s the lesson for me here?” Awareness is power and your path to power and possibility.

Remember that as you learn to love yourself, and make your decisions from that loving place, your whole world shifts into the realm of positive possibility through the lasting power of forgiveness.

About The Author

Copyright 2009: Brenda Adelman. You may reprint this article. It must remain intact & must include this complete statement: Brenda Adelman, MA-Spiritual Psychology, The Queen of Forgiveness. She teaches people to overcome the past & become present to experience joy by forgiving the unforgivable. Find out the 5 Top Reasons to Never Forgive and Why You Must? Sign-up now for my FREE transformational e-course on the topic at http://www.forgivenessandfreedom.com

  • Share/Bookmark
Category: Uncategorized  Tags: , , , , , ,  Comments off
27
Dec
Why Real Love Requires Self Love
admin

MAIN QUOTE

“We are want to condemn self-love; but what we really mean to condemn is contrary to self-love. It is that mixture of selfishness and self-hate that permanently pursues us, that prevents us from loving others, and that prohibits us from losing ourselves.” ~ Paul Valery, French Poet, 1871 – 1945

DR. LISA LOVE REFLECTIONS

As a counselor I have often told people that they need to learn to love themselves. Yet, while saying this to others, I have at times taken pause to reflect and ask myself, “What does that really mean? How do we know the difference between a self-love and a selfish love? And, what can we do practically to love ourselves in the right way?” Perhaps the quote above holds a clue, because I believe true self love fills us with enough joy, peace, and love that our desire to be loving human beings grows. Because of this we want to express more empathy, compassion, and understanding towards others. Selfish love does the contrary. It increases our sense of self-loathing or our disdain and anger towards others. It causes us to act increasingly in our own best interests without considering the interests of others. It causes us to want to sacrifice others needs and desires in service to our own, instead of the other way around. Or, it causes us to self-destruct through a number of behaviors that may feel good temporarily, but ultimately they lead to the shutting down of our hearts and spiral us downward into increased self-loathing and self-reproach.

How then do we love ourselves in the right way? By first and foremost learning what love is. Then, by insisting that we feed ourselves with that love. This is best done by finding people who know how to love. From them we learn how to adopt loving mindsets, feelings, and behaviors. And, it is done by setting boundaries on people who don’t know how to encourage the greatest level of love in us. Because when we truly have that kind of love in our lives we are increasingly a blessing to others. Which is why real love requires that we love ourselves in the right way, so we can have the strength to love, the wisdom to love, and the energy to love those who need our love the most.

Blessings,

Dr. Lisa Love

Copyright © 2009 by Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE: Go to: http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html

Dr. Lisa Love is the founder of LoveMovies! and also the best-selling author of BEYOND THE SECRET: Spiritual Power and the Law of Attraction; ATTRACTING REAL LOVE: 4 Steps for Finding the Love You Want; and SOUL SUCCESS: How to Create Joy & Prosperity in Good Times or Bad; MEDITATION: The Path to Peace. Buy these books and receive bonus gifts at my website. She is also a Life, Relationship, Law of Attraction, and Tranformational coach. There’s a reason my clients tell me by working with me they get major breakthroughs fast! Decades of coaching and counseling experience combined with my extensive training and work with clients from all backgrounds help my clients make shifts in a rapid way. Contact me to discover what I can do for you. FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE: Go to: http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html WEBSITE: http://www.doctorlisalove.com EMAIL: lisa@doctorlisalove.com FACEBOOK: http://www.facebook.com/doctorlisalove FAN PAGE on FACEBOOK:http://www.facebook.com/pages/Dr-Lisa-Love/48936741770 LOVEMOVIES: http://www.lovemoviesonline.com TWITTER: http://www.twitter.com/doctorlisalove

  • Share/Bookmark
Category: Uncategorized  Tags: , , , ,  Comments off
26
Dec
Narcissism, Substance Abuse, and Reckless Behaviours
admin

Pathological narcissism is an addiction to Narcissistic Supply, the narcissist’s drug of choice. It is, therefore, not surprising that other addictive and reckless behaviours – workaholism, alcoholism, drug abuse, pathological gambling, compulsory shopping, or reckless driving – piggyback on this primary dependence.

The narcissist – like other types of addicts – derives pleasure from these exploits. But they also sustain and enhance his grandiose fantasies as “unique”, “superior”, “entitled”, and “chosen”. They place him above the laws and pressures of the mundane and away from the humiliating and sobering demands of reality. They render him the centre of attention – but also place him in “splendid isolation” from the madding and inferior crowd.

Such compulsory and wild pursuits provide a psychological exoskeleton. They are a substitute to quotidian existence. They afford the narcissist with an agenda, with timetables, goals, and faux achievements. The narcissist – the adrenaline junkie – feels that he is in control, alert, excited, and vital. He does not regard his condition as dependence. The narcissist firmly believes that he is in charge of his addiction, that he can quit at will and on short notice.

The narcissist denies his cravings for fear of “losing face” and subverting the flawless, perfect, immaculate, and omnipotent image he projects. When caught red handed, the narcissist underestimates, rationalises, or intellectualises his addictive and reckless behaviours – converting them into an integral part of his grandiose and fantastic False Self.

Thus, a drug abusing narcissist may claim to be conducting first hand research for the benefit of humanity – or that his substance abuse results in enhanced creativity and productivity. The dependence of some narcissists becomes a way of life: busy corporate executives, race car drivers, or professional gamblers come to mind.

The narcissist’s addictive behaviours take his mind off his inherent limitations, inevitable failures, painful and much-feared rejections, and the Grandiosity Gap – the abyss between the image he projects (the False Self) and the injurious truth. They relieve his anxiety and resolve the tension between his unrealistic expectations and inflated self-image – and his incommensurate achievements, position, status, recognition, intelligence, wealth, and physique.

Thus, there is no point in treating the dependence and recklessness of the narcissist without first treating the underlying personality disorder. The narcissist’s addictions serve deeply ingrained emotional needs. They intermesh seamlessly with the pathological structure of his disorganised personality, with his character faults, and primitive defence mechanisms.

Techniques such as “12 steps” may prove more efficacious in treating the narcissist’s grandiosity, rigidity, sense of entitlement, exploitativeness, and lack of empathy. This is because – as opposed to traditional treatment modalities – the emphasis is on tackling the narcissist’s psychological makeup, rather than on behaviour modification.

The narcissist’s overwhelming need to feel omnipotent and superior can be co-opted in the therapeutic process. Overcoming an addictive behaviour can be – truthfully – presented by the therapist as a rare and impressive feat, worthy of the narcissist’s unique mettle.

Narcissists fall for these transparent pitches surprisingly often. But this approach can backfire. Should the narcissist relapse – an almost certain occurrence – he will feel ashamed to admit his fallibility, need for emotional sustenance, and impotence. He is likely to avoid treatment altogether and convince himself that now, having succeeded once to get rid of his addiction, he is self-sufficient and omniscient.

First published in my
“Narcissistic Personality Disorder”
Topic Page on Suite 101

About The Author

Sam Vaknin is the author of Malignant Self Love – Narcissism Revisited and After the Rain – How the West Lost the East. He is a columnist for Central Europe Review, PopMatters, and eBookWeb , a United Press International (UPI) Senior Business Correspondent, and the editor of mental health and Central East Europe categories in The Open Directory Bellaonline, and Suite101 .

Until recently, he served as the Economic Advisor to the Government of Macedonia.

Visit Sam’s Web site at http://samvak.tripod.com
palma@unet.com.mk

  • Share/Bookmark
Category: Uncategorized  Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,  Comments off
24
Dec
Self Love – the Greatest Love of All
admin

Self love forms the foundation of your single, most important relationship – that with yourself. The strength of all your other relationships is exactly equal to the strength of that foundation. To love yourself is not simply a self esteem boosting piece of advice. It is the prerequisite to truly loving others. The golden rule tells us to “love your neighbour as you love yourself”. You are likely to have heard it many times, expressed in different ways, thinking it is about loving others. Look a little closer though and you will find that at its very center is the command to love yourself.

The Mistaken Identity of Self Love: Let us first dispel some myths about what it means to love yourself. Self love is not about being arrogant, selfish, self-centered or egotistical. It is not about comparing yourself to others to determine if you are good enough. It is not about always putting yourself first. It is not about always getting your way. It is not about always winning. It is not about “only looking after number one”.

Will the Real Self Love Please Stand Up: To love yourself is to be in awe of the miracle of your existence. It is to accept yourself as you are – the light parts and the dark – and to love them both equally. It is to be willing to receive as much as you are willing to give and do both equally. It is about knowing your values and your boundaries and honouring them. It is about teaching others how to treat you by showing them how you treat yourself. It is about being kind to yourself. It is about looking after your mind, your body and your spirit – all three. It is about knowing you are worth it, not because of what you have achieved or what you look like or what others think of you, but because love is your birthright no matter what.

What Do You Most Need to Hear: Take a moment to think of those things you most need to hear from others. Whether it be that they love you, or admire you, or accept you just as you are, or appreciate you, or forgive you. Take a piece of paper and write them down. Make sure to exhaust your list. You will find that what you most want to hear from others is what you most need to tell yourself. You should now have a thorough list of positive affirmations tailor made for you. Repeat them every day, morning and night and you will soon discover a sense of self love and inner peace you never had before.

You Can Only Give That Which You Possess: It is an obvious statement that you cannot give something that you do not possess, yet so many people desperately love others without having or giving love to themselves. It is little wonder that in time there reserves of love are exhausted and their relationships falter. To give love you must first have love. To have love, love yourself. Only then will you be able to truly love others for the pure joy of loving them. Give the love you wish to experience to yourself and you will find all your relationships transform in miraculous ways.

There is But One Source of All Love: There is a single, intelligent Consciousness that pervades the entire Universe – all knowing, all powerful, all loving, all creative and present everywhere at the same time. It is the Universal Mind. It is the Source of All Love. It is Love. When you know and understand the Truth that you are one with the One Source of All Love – that your very essence is love – then you will have discovered unconditional self love and unlimited reserves for everyone and everything. You will know that to love yourself is to love the One Creator.

The Benefits of Loving Yourself: Self love is a win-win for all. It provides you with an inner happiness, confidence and peace of mind that is not easily swayed by outside events and opinions. It enables you to make healthier choices and the best decisions across all areas of your life from your intimate relationships to your finances. It allows you to truly rejoice in other people’s good fortune rather than wondering “why, not me” or even resenting it. It enables you to be more genuinely loving towards others and to be of greater service to the world at large. Ultimately, the more you love yourself, the more every thing and every one you encounter benefits. 

In a nutshell, loving yourself is a prerequisite to loving others. Your relationships are only as strong as the foundation of your self love. Release any belief you may hold that loving yourself is selfish or egotistical and replace it with the Truth that your very essence is love, that unconditional self love is your birthright. When you know that you are one with the One Source of All Love, that you are connected to every thing and every one, you will know that you cannot possibly experience true love without first loving yourself. You will have discovered the Truth that self love is truly the greatest love of all.

Tania Kotsos is the founder and author of Mind Your Reality – Your Ultimate Guide to Using Mind Power to Create Your Reality. She has been studying mind power and the nature of reality for the last 15 years.

Go to www.mind-your-reality.com to visit Mind Your Reality and learn all about mind power, reality creation, the universal laws, success secrets, relationship advice and much more.

  • Share/Bookmark
Category: Uncategorized  Tags: , , , , , ,  Comments off
23
Dec
Tough Self-love and the Science of Results Oriented Thinking
admin

Tough love is a term used to express when someone treats you strictly or firmly with the intent to help you in the long run. It is often used when dealing with addictions. People often use tough love to help an addicted loved one go to rehab to get help. What is the hope when your loved one goes to rehab? You hope your love one will stop a behavior that is dangerous, self-destructive or has the potential to ruin their life or even possibly kill them.

Tough love is when a family member, a co-worker, a teacher or some body that truly care about you and your life, how it is going or where you may end up confronts you. They care enough to put their reputation on the line or confront you with the possibility of you disliking them, being angry at them or not listening to them.

Sometimes they even utilize an intervention which is more than one person expressing their concern and tough love for you. But what happens when you are addicted to something that can be harming your life, killing your spirit and destroying your aspirations, yet is not considered an addiction or illegal. It is not considered something that needs intervention yet can damage your life forever if not taken care of. It’s hidden and it’s subtle yet, you use it everyday.

I am going to offer you some tough self-love. I am going to care enough to put my reputation on the line and confront you with the possibility of you disliking me, being angry at me, thinking I am pedantic or worse not listening to me. Just for this moment, I want to be the somebody that does truly care about you and your life, how it is going or where you may end up.

The science of results oriented thinking is tough self-love. It is the understanding that everything in your life is showing up because you created it with your thinking, feelings and actions. One of the most ignored aspects of our human behavior is that we rely on our thinking, feelings and actions everyday, all the time. In fact we trust this aspect so implicitly that we don’t examine it and how it can be harming, self-sabotaging and keeping us away from the life that we want or stop us from being the person we want to be.

You can be addicted to a negative limited way of thinking. You can be addicted to a self-sabotaging way of thinking. You can be addicted to a self-hatred way of thinking. All of these self-defeating forms of thinking can ruin your life forever unless you do something. Unless you go into rehab you will be addicted forever, never feeling your full potential or feeling deep self love. You will forever feel self-loathing if you continue on this road of addicted negative limited thinking. It will kill all of your aspirations and never let you become rich or successful.

So please, in this moment, have some tough self love and learn about the science of results oriented thinking. It’s not to late to turn your life around. I don’t care how old you are. It’s not to late to experience the miraculous feeling of never, ever being plagued by a limiting negative thought. You can do what Wayne Dyer said. “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at will change.” You can learn what the 6 most deadly yet, widely used thinking and speaking habits are that are plaguing your results. Then learn to never use them again.

It takes you to have tough self-love to turn your life around. Only you can choose to have the self-command necessary to help you create the life of your dreams. Just imagine what your life will be like when you are clean and sober from negative thinking. Just imagine how much deeper your relationships can be. How much more money you can make and how much happier you will be. When you learn the science of results oriented thinking, you will become the most powerful you that you can be. Take the first step and learn more about the science of results oriented thinking and make the journey to self-love. If you feel it, forward this article to someone you love and thank you for letting me share my tough love.

Vickie Jimenez is the Author of “Champagne Thoughts and Caviar Power the Science of Results Oriented Thinking.” She is personal and business development expert with a joint venture background and 20 years in the industry. She has spoken nationally and internationally. Vickie’s Mission is to educate and inspire people to achieve maximum results by empowering them with a strong state of self command. To learn more Visit http://successsystemsnow.com or http://privatejvclub.info

  • Share/Bookmark
Category: Uncategorized  Tags: , , ,  Comments off
22
Dec
Nurturing and Caring for your Inner Child: How to Heal Emotionally and Master the Art of Self-love
admin

To begin this process, remember how you looked at the age of three or four years and try to get a clear mental image of yourself at that age. A photograph may be helpful, if you have one.

Your inner child lives in your heart, the emotional center of your body. It is helpful however, to picture your child self outside your body in order to communicate more effectively with him/her. There are several phases to the inner child relationship. The first is the healing of your wounded child of the past. The second stage, which lasts the rest of your life, is nurturing your inner child of the present. This article will address both of these skill levels.

This child is not all that you are. You are an adult who has survived a lifetime of risks and hardships, growing and learning along the way. You have a brilliant mind, which you have used only partially because of the limitations of your parenting and the world you live in. There is much more to you than you know. If you are fortunate enough to have already recognized your greatness, you probably know that you are still not through. The closer you come to knowing who you really are, the more you realize how much you have to learn.

DIALOGUES WITH THE INNER CHILD

As an adult and inner parent, try making the following statements to your inner child and see what happens:

“I’ve been the kind of parent to you that my parents were to me. I didn’t know any better. Like them, I have abandoned and neglected you at times without meaning to. I’ve treated you as if you weren’t even there because I really didn’t know you were there. I thought that when I grew up, you just went away.

“I realize now that I may have hurt you at times. You are all of my feelings, and I have always thought some of those feelings were bad. So I tried to control you with substances (food, cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, medication, work, sex, love relationships), thinking I could make the feelings that I didn’t like go away. It didn’t work. The feelings just got worse. I am ready to change now and take care of you. I accept you as you are, no matter what you are feeling. Your feelings are my feelings, because you are who I am inside.”

Now become the inner child. Sit on the floor, curl up on the couch or assume any childlike posture that seems to fit what you are feeling. As the inner child, you are only feelings. You don’t think or analyze, you just feel. Try responding to your inner parent with:

“I’m glad you are finally recognizing me. I’ve been waiting for this for a long time. I like what you are saying. It makes me feel better. I’m not completely ready to trust you yet. I need to see some action. I need to be able to count on you throughout each day. I am completely dependent on you. If you don’t love and care for me, no one will. You are all I have.

“When I am hurting or afraid, just hold me and tell me you love me. That’s all I ask. Don’t try to talk me out of my feelings, that’s just who I am. Just love me and tell me that you’ll protect me no matter what and that will help me feel better. I need to be told that you love me often, not just when things go wrong. When I am happy, I need you to smile and laugh and do fun things. I come out through your smile and laughter and playfulness. I also come out when you are loving and creative. I have a lot to offer you, if you will create a safe and healthy life for me. There is more joy and love in me than you have ever known, waiting to come out. Love and joy is who I am, and I am who you are. I’m counting on you. Please remember me.”

You might respond with something like: “You can count on me. I won’t forget you. I will make mistakes, but I will learn to avoid repeating them. I accept you just as you are, no matter what you are feeling. Your feelings are my feelings. I love you unconditionally. You are who I am inside. In loving you, I love myself.”

If you have difficulty with this exercise, write about your experience. This may help you figure out what you need to work on to get closer to the experience of self-love.

Your inner child may be too wounded or frightened for you to make a connection at this time. The concept may still seem foreign to you. If you like the words in this dialogue and you want to feel their depth and meaning, don’t give up. You may want to get some counseling to help you connect with your inner child in a meaningful way.

SKILLS FOR CONNECTING WITH THE INNER CHILD

Once the basic healing work is done with the inner child of the past, you need to learn to take care of yourself day to day by maintaining a connection with your inner child of the present.

Here are some suggestions for self-care and maintaining a connection with your inner child of the present:

Create space and time in your daily schedule to talk to and listen to your inner child. The key to this is imagery. Picture the child sitting beside you, in your lap, or jumping around the room. Just “checking in” with your child self will give you a reading on how you’re doing emotionally. You may find her hiding in a corner, or he might be scared and trembling. You may find as you offer support and understanding to the child, the image will change, giving you feedback on how you’re doing in your self-care. Explore and enjoy your self-discovery!

Take quiet alone time on a regular basis. Ideally 20 minutes to an hour a day, find a private comfortable place where you can relax, meditate and/or pray without interruption. You can incorporate journaling and inspirational reading into this time as well. Always allow at least 15-20 minutes of being still and silent. This opens your inner space to the child, and accesses your spiritual nature. It will also do wonders for the health of your body, mind and spirit. Make this quiet alone time a top priority, and you will bring more of your authentic self to your spouse, your children, your friends and your work.

When your body is showing signs of stress, that’s your inner child saying, “Slow down. You’re not Superman or Superwoman, and you’re neglecting me.” That’s when you practice your skills for relaxing, playing, creating and simply “goofing off.” If you ignore that voice, it will just get louder until you pay attention. An unhappy inner child may try to communicate through a headache, stomach problems, depression or even major illness. When we listen to the subtle messages, we don’t need the “loud” messages of illness and catastrophe.

Systematically and consistently create opportunities to express your feelings openly in a safe environment. Find a support group or a group of friends, and get together regularly for the purpose of keeping the door to your heart open. Twelve step recovery groups, therapy groups, men or women’s groups, book study groups and other forums often provide this venue.

Create opportunities for laughter and fun. If you don’t know how to play, then learn. Do a web search on “laughter and humor” and you will find lots of information on the health benefits of laughter and humor and how to get more into your life. There are conferences and workshops on play and laughter going on all over the country year around.

Be creative. This accesses the magical child in you, and further allows you to become a vessel for the expression of the Creator that lives within you. Take dance lessons, art lessons, or learn to play a musical instrument. Get on the floor or in the dirt with a child and let them show you the creative world they live in. Join them there and feel yourself come alive.

Temporarily or permanently end all relationships in which you are being hurt. Seek help, and only consider re-entering the relationship after both of you have had therapy and you have personally seen significant progress. Even then, proceed cautiously—you have a precious child to protect.

Only risk and commit to relationships in which you are loved. You deserve love, and without it you will not live fully and become the person you were born to be.

Embrace all that you are. Do not reject any aspect of your being. If you have problems, get help. You can have the life you want—and it’s up to you to create it. Finding the good in yourself and the world around you is one of the best ways to connect with and care for your inner child, and become your most amazing self. Become a Goodfinder today!

William G. DeFoore is a counselor, executive coach, speaker and president of the Institute for Personal and Professional Development. He has 37 years of experience in helping people achieve healthy, happy relationships. Get free information, watch videos and purchase books, CDs and downloads at www.AngerManagementResource.com.

  • Share/Bookmark
Category: Uncategorized  Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,  Comments off
21
Dec
Ahimsa: The Greatest Form Of Self-Love
admin

When Mahatma Gandhi gave us his philosophy of non-violence, or ahimsa, I believe he was preaching the highest form of self-love.

Self-love not only means accepting myself the way I am, warts and all. It also means never tolerating anything – even from myself – that harms or disempowers me in any way.

In the things that I will not tolerate, I include violence. It’s easy to perceive violence from an external source. It’s much harder to detect the internal violence we wreak on ourselves all the time.

We harm ourselves everyday by tolerating – – The negative thoughts we think – The unhealthy diet and lifestyle we live – The limiting beliefs we harbour – The unethical actions we take

To me, ahimsa means loving and respecting myself so that I accept nothing less than being my best self.

Every time I give in to my fears, cheat on my diet, tell a lie, lose faith in myself, blame and judge myself, or do anything to harm my body or mind, I am hurting myself. Every time I allow myself to be less than I am capable of being, I am committing an act of violence on myself.

It’s not easy, as Gandhi himself noted, for us human beings to be our best selves all the time. And by being my best self, I don’t mean being perfect. I’m only human, after all.

The important thing is to be aware of my goal at all times. To pick myself up, correct my course and continue on my way every time I take a fall.

Non-violence applies not only to actions that affect others, but also to those that affect me. It means I will only put into my mouth foods that nurture my body, only harbour thoughts that nurture my mind, only be in a relationship that nurtures my emotions.

It also includes rising above my fears and giving up excuses about why I can’t reach my highest goals of physical, emotional and spiritual mastery.

If it seems like a stretch of the imagination to equate self-mastery with non-violence, remember that when you truly love yourself, you won’t tolerate anything that will harm you.

Don’t use ahimsa as a noun, but as a verb. It’s a process and a way of life that requires a lot of self-discipline. But I believe it’s worth it. Because the philosophy of ahimsa, when applied to myself, is the greatest form of self-love there is.

Priya Shah writes about self-improvement and women’s empowerment. Click here for relationship tips and advice.
  • Share/Bookmark
Category: Uncategorized  Tags: , , , , , , , , ,  Comments off
20
Dec
Powerful Self-Love Technique to Improve Your Relationships
admin

Most people know that it is important to love oneself. By loving and nurturing ourselves, we satisfy the “void” that we often look to others to fill, and which rarely ever works. Whether it is a romantic partnership or friend relationship, the old standard may start off wonderful, but then we begin to create distorted expectations of “how” our partner “should” be and “why” they are not being that specific way for us.

For the most part, the reason this happens is because most people are looking outside of themselves to fill a void that might be filled for a short time, but will come back again and again until some form of awakening occurs in which we understand that the only person who can fill this void is ourselves. Once you operate from a space of complete love and acceptance of self, then you begin to attract the highest and best people into your life that are also operating from this space. Then… wow! Miracles abound!

Think about how blissful it would be for two people to enter a relationship from a space of already being completely satisfied and fulfilled! No one would “need” the other to feel complete, which is actually what starts to cause rifts in a relationship in the first place. Imagine how amazing the love, joy, harmony, and understanding shared between the two people would be, because each person already feels whole and complete from within. Many people understand this concept, but always ask me “how” to put it into practice.

Here is an extremely powerful technique I have developed, which is one way to transform your relationship with yourself and help you begin to operate from a much higher vibration of self-love and acceptance.

Step 1: Take 3 deep breaths

Step 2: Close your eyes, uncross the arms and legs so that you are open and receptive to transformation.

Step 3: In your minds eye, remember the beginning stages of a time when you were falling in love with your first or greatest love. Seeing the person is not important, it is the feelings of the experience that we want to generate.

Do you remember how excited you were to see them? How you would count the seconds? How you always thought about them every waking moment? How you wanted to shout “I LOVE YOU” on every rooftop you could, because you just could not hold it in any longer?

Good, now immerse yourself into those feelings for about one minute.

Step 4: Visualize those feelings as a beautiful, sparkly, emerald green light that begins to generate within you. The more you feel into these feelings, the larger this green light becomes.

Step 5: Now, direct all the vibration of those feelings & the emerald green light towards YOURSELF! Start feeling those feelings of “I LOVE YOU” and excitement towards yourself, your body, your mind, and your spirit the exact same way you would have done towards your partner.

Step 6: Feel into these feelings for 2 minutes.

Step 7: State the following affirmation for at least 1 minute: “I fully love every cell of my being unconditionally!”

Visualize the emerald light saturate every part of your body, mind, emotions, & spirit while you repeat this phrase!

Take 3 deep breaths again, and breathe in this moment of bliss. Allow the hairs on your body to stand and the chills to take over you! If you don’t experience them, that’s ok.

It’s time to love ourselves.

This is the new paradigm.

In loving ourselves first, we are able to be so much more for the world!

Want more great tips? Visit – http://www.magnifiedmanifesting.com

Emmanuel Dagher is the creator of Magnified Manifesting, a powerful new technique that works on a deep subconscious level to significantly enhance & accelerate the manifesting process of the law of attraction. His new technique has revolutionized the way people manifest their highest visions and deepest desires for themselves and includes musical recordings that provide an easy, yet extremely powerful way to further accelerate the manifestation process simply by listening to the music.

A medical intuitive, holistic health practitioner, sound therapist, and life coach, Emmanuel specializes in clearing deep subconscious blocks people have that prevent them from experiencing optimum health, financial wealth, joy, inner peace, love, creativity, clarity, and energy. The transformations and shifts Emmanuel witnesses in his client’s lives on a daily basis have been nothing short of miraculous. Over the years, he was moved to create a technique that would greatly enhance and expedite the incredible shifts he was already witnessing, which led to the development of his Magnified Manifesting technique. For more information visit: http://www.magnifiedmanifesting.com

  • Share/Bookmark
Category: Uncategorized  Tags: , , , , ,  Comments off
« Previous Entries