Archive for » February, 2010 «

25
Feb
The Universal Law of Love – the Most Important of All!
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Love is the center of everything we were put on this earth for, and we’re here to learn the lessons of “how to love” each other and ourselves “unconditionally” no matter what the situation. And there enlies the diffuculty for many, how do we love the critics and negatively seated idealists of society? We’ve been educated by the news which often has a dismal, negative viewpoint on a lot of things, and this flavours a lot of peoples lives, becuase they see it, often times as the “be all and end all” to life, and often don’t have much self-worth at all.

On top of this, our education also teaches us to sacrifice ourselves, firstly to our family and then to our profession, society, religion, culture and country. So by rights, we can’t possibly love ourselves right?

Well… This is the reason why there happens to be so much illness, due to imbalance in our lives and the lack of practicing the law of love on ourselves first and foremost. We send love to everyone and everything that we think and see as important to ourselves, but at the same time we often look upon ourselves and feel we need to be completely humble and neglect ourselves of recieving our own love, let alone the love and praise of others.

The law of love really was designed that we begin loving ourselves unconditionally, and this means even if we have created a process of illness within ourselves. If we truly embrace this idea of self-love, then we’ll begin to love all processes within ourselves, including illnesses such as cancer. Now this may sound quite strange if you’re not used to such depths of self-love, but if began loving the illness instead of fearing it, then we can begin to look upon it not as a life drainer, but as an opportunity to recognize ourselves.

When be begin loving all things in our environment, even those areas that we create that aren’t seen as positive (such as cancer etc), we begin to identify them as opportunities to learn about ourselves. So in essence this is a massive discovery for us to realize, and therefore we are able to balance out the cause of them, by looking deep inside ourselves. Once we heal the base cause we’ll stop magnifying the disease process as a result, because we’ll replace fear with love.

Our mission is to learn to love these seeming negative parts of us. We have to strive to give the illness a direction and not deny its existence, we can do this by not fearing them but by loving them just as we would like one of our own children who was constantly naughty.

This offers us an opportunity to learn about ourselves and how to master our thought processes towards such incidence, they are there to teach us what we don’t already know about ourselves, otherwise they wouldn’t have happened in the first place.

You see it’s easy to apply the law of love to the times when things are good to us and those people who flatter us, but it’s an entirely different love when we practice unconditional love. When we practice and apply the law of love in its entirety we also love those who don’t return it to us, even those who try to betray us. If we expand a little further on this, we could say, you can love the person, but you don’t love their actions, this is how we can begin to heal ourselves and others.

If we just loved those around us who have the same thoughts as we do, then in essence we’re just a sect, and truly be inviting the destructive forces to kick in within ourselves… I.e. those forces such as illness and dis-ease processes.

In light of this we need to be particularly aware of not giving in to our non-discipline of whether we’ll love those people and situations that are different to ours. Or whether we’ll look upon them in non-judgment and know that they are different to us, yet the essence (them being human beings) is still the same.

So when you encounter a perceived scenario that you don’t like the look of, or sound of, or someone you don’t particularly relate to, you have the option of going deep within your own self-control and facing it.

This will open you to a whole new level of determination, self-will, self-motivation and self-expansion. It’s this discipline that we’re possibly so afraid of, are we strong enough to grit our teeth and follow an ideal that doesn’t throw judgment towards ourselves.

However, until we practice the above law of love it’s only a theory, we both have the same feelings of contentment and disappointment and in the times of negative feelings it’s up to us to harness the never ending love principals from the law of love to lovingly deal with our own internal conflicts.

So for us to effectively handle the traits we don’t like in people or situations around us, we have a few options to learn from the situation involved and grow through it, these options are:

1. Be repelled / repulsed by the scenario, meaning we have denied them and ourselves the right to learn from the situation and what is truly being taught.

2. We can recognize the situation and then cover it over by a lot of self-discipline and illusion.

3. We can recognize the situation and actually take a stance about it and work through it pro-actively, meaning we have dealt with it and accepted it. While we may not like the actions or scenario at hand, by handling them with our own self-discipline we guarantee our own self-growth.

The third point above is the basis of staying congruent with the laws of the universe and the law of love, and while we may not like what is happening in the world, we need to love the world nonetheless as it provides opportunity to grow through the expression of free will.

I choose to love and practice the lessons taught in the law of love, and by practicing and following these laws, you’re life and the processes within it will begin to improve. You’ll wake up in the morning inspired (In-Spirit) because you’re infused with the thoughts of love, not only will you heal your life, but you’ll heal the lives of countless millions without even knowing it, as we are all energy and love is one of the most powerful energies around.

Adam Price is an information provider and coach on the laws of the universe for life & business. Learn how tap into the powerful laws of the universe in your life by visiting:
http://www.Law-Of-Attraction-And-Success.com

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20
Feb
Want True Love? Look in the Right Place
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Many of us search for years if not our entire lives for love. We’re convinced–or at least hopeful–that it’s out there, somewhere.

 

As the Waylon Jennings song laments, however, most of us are “looking for love in all the wrong places.”

Tragically, not many of us would think to look in the mirror for love. Or, if we do consider it, we usually dismiss self-love as mere narcissism. We are certainly urged to do so by many of our social institutions. The constant message: Self-love is selfish.

Nothing could be further from a fundamental spiritual truth. Most of us are aware that Jesus admonished his listeners to love their neighbors. Yet we generally ignore the phrase that followed this teaching, “as thyself.”

In other words, Jesus gives as much weight to self-love as he does to loving others. The two are equally important and depend on each other. Hence the phrasing, “…love thy neighbor as thyself.”

 

What most of us do not yet realize is that many of our problems and issues with loving others and being loved in return stem directly from our problems with loving ourselves.

Since we have not yet laid claim to true self-love, we do not truly possess love to give to anyone else. If we do not own something, we cannot give it or even share it, much as we may want or try to do so.

Living without true love, we struggle as best we can with our own and others’ ambivalence, fear of commitment, unsatisfying serial relationships, and lifelong loneliness.

Indeed, much of the childish, self-absorbed antics of modern dating and romance are the effects of our lack. All we have to offer, in the absence of true self-love, is the appearance of love: the form without the substance; the longing without the fulfillment.

So what now? Where and how do serious spiritual seekers separate the chaff of self-absorption from the kernel of true self-love?

Those of us expecting some esoteric journey to far-off places that are supposedly more spiritual than other locales most likely will be disappointed. All we need do, really, is venture inward, to our own hearts.

The heart space within our own consciousness is unique and critical to our spiritual development. It is the one place within self where mind, body, spirit, and feeling meet. Only within our own hearts may we find our own self-love, reconnect with it, and experience its healing embrace.

Only then we will even be ready to give truer love to others and be open for love to come into our lives.

This journey to the heart is the most critical spiritual voyage we can make’ and will yield benefits not only for us, but for everyone our lives touch.

There are, however, many obstacles to making this voyage and along the way. These barriers and hindrances are by no means insurmountable, but it’s best to recognize them so they will not delay us for any longer than necessary.

Candace (C.L.) Talmadge is the author of the epic fantasy Green Stone of Healing(R) series and a political columnist syndicated by North Star Writers Group. As StoneScribe, she blogs about the intersection of politics and spirituality.

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15
Feb
Learning To Love Ourselves
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Our doubt concerning our self-worth is the main obstacle to our emotional and inter-relational harmony. This doubt is the cause of our greatest fears such as being rejected, laughed at, ignored, unloved, and most of all, of being alone.

Loneliness and Doubt

Loneliness is the disease of our age, and its cause is self-doubt. Fear of being alone is perhaps our most ancient one. It comes from the fact that in the past, he who was not accepted was ostracized from the group. In those days, that did not mean simply feeling lonely, but also being unable to survive. Another factor that makes us fear rejection or not being accepted by others is the fear of being punished by them or by God. We have been brought up to believe in a God, whose love is conditional, depending upon whether we are perfect in His/Her/Its eyes or not.

Childhood Programming

We receive messages from our parents and other important persons throughout our childhood years concerning whether and under what conditions we are good or worthy. As children, we learn from adults that we must measure our self-worth by: 1. What others think of us. 2. The results of our efforts in school, our profession and life. 3. Our appearance 4. How we compare to others. 5. How much we know. 6. How much money we have. 7. And various other conditions Our doubt of our self-worth then becomes our greatest obstacle to inner peace, harmonious communication and loving relationships. These doubts are the foundation of most of our negative emotions and relationship conflicts. If we had more self-acceptance, we would have less need to prove ourselves to others. Then we would not feel offended so frequently and we could overlook others’ negativity and be at peace with them regardless of their behavior. Let us now look at how we can increase and stabilize our self-acceptance. The first step is to discover the situations in which we lose our sense of self-worth or self-acceptance. The reasons we most often loose our feelings of self-worth are examined in the following questionnaire.

OBSTACLES TO LOVING OURSELVES

In which situations do you lose your sense of self-love, self-worth, self- esteem or self-acceptance? 1. When others ask for your help and you * do not say “yes” *, or do not respond. 2. When you have * made a mistake * or have * failed * at some effort. 3. When * others are more capable * than you are at certain tasks or concerning certain qualities (i.e. intelligence, artistic ability, speech, sports, cooking, professional success, their children’s success, economically, making friends, employing disciplines). 4. When * others attract more attention, * esteem and respect in a group situation. 5. When others * have offered more to you * than you have offered them. 6. When you are * not perfect *. 7. When * others criticize, are angry at or reject you *. 8. When * others do not agree with you or believe that you are wrong *. 9. When others * are able to manipulate you *. 10. When * you have “created” pain * for others. 11. When you are * not in harmony with your conscience *. The accompanying more detailed questionnaire will help us determine more clearly when we lose our feelings of self-worth. We suggest that as you read through it, you mark those items that might relate to you. I Tend to Lose My Feelings of Self-Worth: (Worth what; love, happiness, health, success, satisfaction?) 1. When others criticize me, blame me, or do not approve of me. 2. When others are angry with me. 3. When my children, spouse or parents are not happy, healthy, successful, or satisfied. 4. When I do not know as much as others around me. 5. When I do not have an intimate relationship partner. 6. When my house is not clean and in order. 7. When my partner shows interest in others. 8. If I am not successful professionally. 9. If I do not have enough money. 10. If I am not attractive to the opposite sex. 11. If I do not make an impression on others. 12. If I do not have many sexual successes. 13. If others do not respect me. 14. If my child is ill. 15. If I do not have what others have. 16. If I am not perfect. 17. If I do not achieve many things. 18. If others are able to cheat or mislead me. 19. If I do not have ___________________________ 20. If I do not do______________________________ 21. Other reasons ___________________________

SOCIAL PROGRAMMING OR CONSCIENCE

Once we have established the particular situations or stimuli that obstruct our feelings of self-worth or self-acceptance, we will need to separate our answers into two groups. 1. Those which have to do with * social programming * and not with our conscience. In such a case, we need to analyze each reason separately as we attempt to discover and change the beliefs that cause us to lose our self-acceptance in those situations. When we lose our feelings of self-worth because of social programming we are buying into societies illusions concerning who is worthy and who is not. We are measuring ourselves by superficial standards set by society such as money, appearance profession etc, and not by our conscience, such as honesty, love, sincerity, selflessness etc. 2. Situations in which we reject ourselves because our * actions are not in alignment with our inner conscience *. We behave toward others, as we would not like them to behave toward us. Our answers to 10 and 11 in the first questionnaire might indicate such situations. In such cases, we are interested in how we could react differently in those situations so that our behavior is in tune with our conscience. In these second cases which have to do with conscience, we will most often find that we behave in such ways because we are being controlled by the previous categories if social beliefs. For example we tell lies (matter of conscience) because we believe that our self-worth depends on what others think about us and thus want to hide the truth from them The final solution for the matter of self-worth is to realize that all beings deserve love and respect exactly as they are regardless of all their flaws simply because they are unique aspects of divine creation- just as all flowers and all of nature. In such a case, we must not confuse one’s ability and/or morality with worthiness of love and respect. As aspects of divine creation all deserve love and respect regardless of ability or morality. The difference is that those who have ability deserve positions of greater responsibility that those without. While those without morality do deserve our love and respect they may not deserve trust or freedom to move about in society, until they are healed of their problem.l

Robert E. Najemy, author of 25 books and life coach with 30 years of experience, has trained over 300 life coaches and now does so over the Internet. Become a life coach. Over 600 free article and lectures at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/

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12
Feb
Love $timulu$ (Love on a Budget)
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“I’ve never fallen in love…but I’ve stepped in it a few times.”  Rita Rudner

 

While President Obama is stimulating our economy, take this time to stimulate your relationship…even on a budget. Valentine’s Day is a celebration of love, and that can be love for an intimate partner, or the self, or a child, or a cause. Love is love! 

 

This year, many people are panicking about giving to their sweethearts while trying to maintain a budget, or not having that someone special to celebrate the day with, or resent having another overly-commercialized holiday, and more.  Here are some suggestions — all for around $50 or less – - for simple yet real romantic gestures that are expansive rather than expensive:

 

  1. If you are in a relationship:  

 

·         Cook dinner for your mate, wearing nothing but an apron. You can even carry across that theme and dine with nothing on but napkins.  Then give your partner a full one-hour body massage in a candlelit room, with his/her favorite music playing in the background.   Burn some sensual incense.  Have a bottle of wine or champagne with strawberries. 

 

  1.  
    • “Kidnap” your partner. Have a picnic of your favorite simple foods/beverages and dine on the beach, or in the woods, or on a mountaintop, or some placed away from the madding crowd. Take a book of poetry and read your favorite love sonnets to your honey.  Better yet, write one yourself!   
    • Order in your favorite take-out dinner and have a love story movie marathon.  (“Love Story,” “An Affair to Remember,” “Casablanca,” “Gone With the Wind,” “Terms of Endearment,” “The English Patient,” “Moonstruck,” “Roman Holiday,” “Now, Voyager,” “Ghost,” “From Here to Eternity” “Sabrina,” “Funny Girls,” “The Graduate” “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner, ” “The Way We Were” “Sleepless in Seattle “to name a few classics). 
    • Visit an elderly person who is widowed and allow him/her to talk about their spouse.  You can take dinner to them, or take them out. Touching a lonely person like this can remind you of all that you do have…..beyond the material.  Moments like these will stay with you long past the flowers or the candy.
    • Remember, the day may come when you CANNOT express your feelings to him/her.  Take a risk and (as John Mayer says) “Say what you need to say.”

 

 2. If you are single but looking for a relationship, re-ignite your self-love: 

 

  1.  
    • Treat yourself to a massage, a manicure/pedicure, or a facial.
    • Buy yourself your favorite flowers.   When you buy a gift for yourself.  When you do this, you are affirming your own value.  The first step to attracting an ideal partner is to be your ideal self.  Plus, you are guaranteed to like your own gift…no acting or pretending, so there are no hurt feelings!
    • Do something out of your comfort zone. Attend a singles party on Valentine’s Night and make it your mission to meet at least five new fascinating people.  At the very worst, you’ll make new friends.
    • Make a collage of the type of mate you want to attract. Remember, we get whatever we focus on.  So focus on the traits you do want in a relationship.
    • Write a love letter to that person.  Sounds crazy, I know, but it’s actually calling them in to you. (“I can’t wait to meet you in real life and share X with you.” “I don’t know when we will meet, but I’m ready for you.”) You are unblocking any negative energy that is preventing your ideal relationship. 
  1. If you are just not into anyone right now and happily single, simply enjoy it:
  1.  
    • You can easily inspire others with your contagious self-confidence and self-acceptance. Spend the evening with someone who is not happy about being single, and allow them to see what is good about being single.  Some people get caught up in society’s expectations or statistics.  You can help them be happier while they are attracting their ideal mate.
    • When you enjoy yourself, you give others permission to do the same.  Go to a comedy club with the girls (or the guys). 
    • Go a chick flick (or guy flick) or a party. Wherever you go, celebrate your joy in your gender and spread your fabulousness around like seeds for others.  You are performing a good will service in all you do.
    • Send Valentine’s Day cards to friends and family members, just like you did when you were a kid.
    • Visit terminally ill kids in a hospital and take them cards or candy, or fresh-baked cookies, or toys, or perform for them.

 

 Wishing you a Happy Valentine’s Day…..love it up!

 

Dr. Irwin is a psychotherapist/therapeutic hypnotist, author (YOU TURN: CHANGING DIRECTION IN MIDLIFE) and speaker based in Los Angeles, CA.
http://www.drnancyirwin.com
www.makeayou-turn.com
http://www.youtube.com/DrNancyIrwin

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11
Feb
Love Yourself First
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As we approach Valentine’s Day, the traditional day of love, I cannot stop thinking of the importance of self-love. One of my favorite philosophers, Joseph Campbell, said “as we love ourselves, we move toward our own bliss.” Even though Valentine’s Day is the day of love, it is often filled with expectation and disappointment whether we are in a relationship or not. My thought is: what would happen if we would broaden the concept of Valentine’s Day to be about self-love and self-care? Then we could take positive steps towards creating a day of fulfillment and potentially bliss.

In the past year, I have made the step towards bliss by recreating what I do, which is personal life coaching and career coaching, and the one thing I have found with so many of my clients is the difficulty of making a distinction between loving oneself and being selfish. Somehow self-love and self-care are viewed as being selfish and intertwined with guilt. Well, guilt is a subject I know well. I grew up in New York City going to Catholic School for nine years and lived in a Jewish neighborhood. I call it my double guilt. I still have guilt from time to time, but I recognize it for what it is. But, I was lucky to receive an incredible gift of wisdom from my mother that helped me realize the distinction between guilt, selfishness and self-care. I don’t remember exactly how she said it, but she made it clear to me that my body is my temple, I am responsible for taking care of it and I cannot trade it in for another one. This little morsel of wisdom made me realize that if I don’t care of myself and love myself than I cannot love anyone else or take care of anyone else.

I am now a 42-year old mother of a beautiful three year old boy and I hope to pass on my mother’s wisdom . While I was growing up, this wisdom kept me concentrated on sports and not smoking, on love and not drugs, on curiosity and not recklessness. So as approach this holiday of love, what would happen, if we took Joseph Campbell’s wisdom, combined it with my mother’s advice and applied it to our adult lives? What would that look like for each of us? How would we focus our attention to achieve self-love and self-care? Each of us needs to decide what self-love and self-care is for us – maybe it’s regular massages, maybe it’s forgiving ourselves for the past and loving ourselves just as we are. Here are some questions to help you create your own definition: • What do you love about yourself? • What are your special gifts? • How do you treat yourself? • What do you love to do and when was the last time you did it? • How do you take care of the body temple you have right now? • What would it take for you to love yourself and take care of yourself not only on Valentine’s Day but every day of the year?

Love opens all possibilities. I am convinced that if we all really loved ourselves and took the responsibility of taking care of ourselves, then all of our relationships would benefit – whether it is with our lovers, mothers, fathers, daughter, sons, or friends. Self-love is the path to bliss and healthy relationships. So, take time this month to be a great lover to yourself. I am sure you will not be disappointed.

Wayfinder Coach, Robin Schepper, leads Wise Walking Retreats and is a personal coach to individuals and groups. After 20 years of helping clients with their communications strategies, Robin now helps individuals achieve the results they want. Contact www.wayfinderinc.com.
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10
Feb
Oh, To Be Loved!
admin

Here it is, another Valentine’s day around the corner. A time to take stock the love in your life. Or the lack of love in your life if that is how you see things.

We spend so much time and energy searching for love. Single people can be zeroed in on “finding” love and coupled folks are constantly looking for signs that their significant other really does love them.

What we are really searching for is some indication that we are loved. We look to others to show us that we are lovable and to validate that we are loved. Well, guess what? We are loved. Always, all the time, no matter what, period.

Our journey is to understand that we are loved so that we can then focus on being loving. Being loving to everyone and everything around us. Yeah, that sounds schmaltzy but it’s true. It doesn’t mean to like everyone all the time and to enjoy every situation or circumstance of life. But when you know you are loved, you are more loving and understanding in every relationship and in every circumstance. That is a gift to everyone you crosses your path.

We seem so focused on the object of love, for example, the person with whom we are in a relationship. We spend so much time wondering, “Do they love me?” “Am I good enough for them to love me?” “Am I valuable enough deserve their love?” So much attention is given to this that we often miss the experience and the gifts of the relationship. Even if that relationship doesn’t last a lifetime, there are still many gifts in the enounter. Many times, the outcome of the relationship is more important to someone than the journey of the experience. So much is missed when we do this.

Truth is, we never really lose love. The object of love may go away but love never does. It comes from Source and Source never dies. It lives and breathes, is constant yet not necessarily consistent. It may change form or appearance but it is always the energy of love and it is available everywhere you look. First we must look within.

That old cliché of loving self first before someone else can love you…. Makes you want to gag but it is truth. Connect with yourself and your Self and expand that love. We fear losing love because we believe that it comes from outside sources. This is a lie. When you deepen your love of Self, the fear lessens because you know you are filled with love, you are more connected to Source and you know you are loved and lovable. You understand your own worth and value and you no longer need to have it “given” to you.

As you do this, you are able to spend more time being loving to others. Your relationships, friendships, etc are more rooted in the experience of being together, learning, sharing, enjoying each other and less about the outcome of the situation… marriage, friendship instead of romantic, etc.

How do you connect with your love of self? First, be aware of your self talk. Make a list of what you say to yourself. Do you say things like “I am so stupid!” “I can’t believe I did that!” We tend to be very self critical so, chances are you have some negative self talk. Create an awareness of this and stop the comments when they surface.

Connect with your gifts and use them often. Do things that make you happy and bring you a sense of peace. Write, paint, play with your pets or children, cook, whatever suits you. Taking time for you means you are honoring yourself and therefore loving yourself. If you don’t do this much, take a note of that and make some changes.

Spend more time with people who lift you and less time with those who bring you down. Take care of your body and spirit. Eat good foods. Exercise. Try yoga or tai chi. Meditate 10 minutes a day. Take a walk in nature. Take a long bath. Laugh all the time. Take care of you and you will expand your self love.

A woman was in a relationship recently and her partner moved thousands of miles away to take a job. She said that the last few weeks of their time together were the best ever. They got on beautifully, really enjoyed each other and were completely immersed in the love they shared. She didn’t understand why it was so good now that he was moving. It pained her that he had to go when their relationship had evolved to this state.

Here’s what happened: they let go of the fear of losing love because he was leaving. The object of love was being removed. They both knew it was going to happen and even had a date it was to take place. There was no fear of “is she leaving me?” “Does he really love me?” As a result, they had let go of the fear of losing the love and were able to totally relax into the experience. Her partner moved away and the love is still there. The love never left although the object is gone. THAT is the gift every relationship has to offer, regardless of the outcome.

The gift of love’s various expressions is available to all of us all of the time, to enjoy and embrace. Yet it must start with you. So, love yourself a little more. Have less fear of losing something you can never lose anyway. Enjoy each relationship for the gifts and magic it has to offer. Especially the relationship you have with you.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Julie Farha is an intuitive, personal coach, speaker, host of Clear Insight with Julie Farha on Sedona Talk Radio and author of Exploring Your Potential; Who am I and what am I doing here? She holds interactive seminars and is available for private sessions and speaking engagements. Julie@ClearInsightllc.com, www.ClearInsightllc.com, 480-626-5780

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09
Feb
Love yourself First: Seven Ways to Have the Best Valentine’s Day Ever (Heart-shaped Candy Boxes not Required!)
admin

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and if you listen closely you’ll hear America heave a collective sigh of resignation (from the couples who must run out and buy obligatory gifts) and gloom (from the singles who feel like hiding sulkily under the covers). Yes, many people dread this seemingly benign holiday more than a trip to the dentist. But intuitive psychologist Susan Apollon says not to look at Valentine’s Day as an occasion for enforced “romance” or mourning for your dormant love life. Instead, think of it as a day to celebrate the existence of love itself—pure, authentic, unconditional love—and all the rich rewards it brings.

“Love really isn’t about hearts and flowers and grand romantic gestures,” says Apollon, author of Touched by the Extraordinary: An Intuitive Psychologist Shares Insights, Lessons, and True Stories of Spirit and Love to Transform and Heal the Soul (Matters of the Soul, 2005, ISBN: 0-9754036-4-8, $19.95). “It isn’t about who got who the best gift, or who has a partner and who doesn’t. Love is a way of living. And Valentine’s Day can be more than a reminder that someone loves you; it can serve as an affirmation that you are totally lovable, loving, adored, and special all year long.”

In other words, let Valentine’s Day be a day in which you focus wholeheartedly on your ability to give and receive love. You don’t need to have a spouse or romantic partner in order to do this. You can love your coworkers, your neighbors, your pets, the clerk at the grocery store—anyone and everyone—but especially yourself.

Keep reading to learn how to rev up your love quotient this Valentine’s Day:

Commit to Unconditional Love: To You, From You. It may be a cliché but it is very, very true: until you love yourself you can’t fully love another person. And too many of us beat ourselves up for not being thin enough or pretty enough or smart enough—and worse, we may even use the fact that we are romantically unattached (or in a bad relationship) to validate that low opinion. This is tragic, says Apollon. Whether single or involved, it is vital that you truly understand the value of loving yourself unconditionally. Self-love is the key to achieving all other love and finding happiness in its many forms.

“There must be no conditions for loving yourself,” insists Apollon. “Being lovable and capable of loving is never about having a great body, a high-profile job, or tons of money. There are no strings attached to your adoring your whole self: body, mind, and spirit. There is only the need for you to view yourself as the exquisite miracle you really are. Allow Valentine’s Day to be a reminder of who you are. Love yourself first, because you are your most significant other.”

Get High This Valentine’s Day—High Energy, That is! If you’re wondering what love really is, Apollon says, it’s energy. Everything is energy, in fact, and love is one of the highest energies. So, when you choose to become your own priority and love yourself unconditionally, you will vibrate at an astoundingly higher energy level. The result is that you feel wonderful and life becomes a delicious adventure. Your love for yourself enables you to walk with your head held high and your heart full and healed. You’ll feel grounded, centered, and stable—and these good feelings will affect those around you.

If you’re wondering how to reach that high level of energy, Apollon says the answer is simple: do things that feel good. You might buy yourself a beautiful bouquet of flowers, for instance, or a nice pair of silk pajamas, or a day at the spa. Or place notes all around you that remind you of how loving and special you are…that you are a Beautiful Soul…and that you are loved. It may seem silly, but it works.

Breathe in Love—Not Just on Valentine’s Day, But Every Day. Apollon suggests that each morning and evening you take a few moments to focus on your breathing in and out—long, deep, relaxing breaths—with the intention of helping you shift to a higher energy. Visualize yourself breathing in loving energy from the Universe. See this flowing into every cell and feel the warm, loving impact.

“Picture the Universe, your own Soul, Higher Wisdom, God, or your angels being present for you and feel their embrace—the embrace of love,” she says. “Sit with this and really feel the amazing warm, healing energy of this embrace. It is so powerful!”

Affirm and Visualize Love. Imagine that you are a half-inflated balloon. Most of us live our day-to-day lives in this love-less state of under-inflation. Now envision your soul filling up with love. Affirm your worth several times a day by stating silently or out loud: I am love, I am lovable, and I am loving. Your love for yourself enables you to feel the powerful energy of love even in your cells. As you make your affirmations, visualize these feelings of love permeating every cell of your being. You are love, and you deserve the joy of giving and receiving pure love.

Incorporate Your Own Strengths into Your Affirmations. You are a unique creation worthy of universal energy and love. Everyone is blessed with different attributes and a great way to fill yourself up with self-love is to remind yourself of all your fabulous qualities. Practice affirmations about your own uniqueness that makes you worth loving. A few examples are: I am passionate, I am a great mother, I am ready to be loved, I give fabulous advice, and I am full of creativity.

Face, Embrace, and Replace Grief…and Practice Forgiveness. The energy of love does not mesh comfortably with the energy of anger, pain, guilt, and unresolved conflicts or issues, says Apollon. Therefore, you must release any old grievances in order to vibrate on a higher energetic plane. Valentine’s Day should bring for you a reminder that we are all here for love and that love begins first with forgiveness of yourself and others who have in the past treated you poorly. Face your negative energy and acknowledge it. When you are ready, replace old grief with love and just savor the vast difference this shift makes in your life!

If you need a mantra to help you release the pain that holds you down, Apollon suggests you say to yourself: I love myself enough to let you go now. I choose to detach from carrying you around with me, weighing me down and disabling me from moving on and having a good life. I forgive you and I forgive me. I am truly sorry but I must let you go. I surrender you to the Universe. I choose to be free of any attachments that keep me from experiencing the peace and joy to which I am entitled.

Release Your Attachment to Your Vision of Prince or Princess Charming. If you spend Valentine’s Day hoping for an engagement ring, seething with resentment that your partner forgot that you prefer dark chocolate over milk chocolate, or daydreaming about that knight in shining armor who will sweep you away from your dreary life, you’re missing the whole point of love. Your attachments to an ideal only set you up for a fall when perfection fails to materialize. Remember, says Apollon, that real love (for yourself or others) doesn’t come with conditions. When you love unconditionally, you don’t need anything in return.

“We feel happy, we are lighter and unburdened when we release our expectations,” asserts Apollon. “Don’t spend Valentine’s Day hoping for roses, romance, or a note from a secret admirer. And married folks and those with partners need to realize that the person you love is not responsible for meeting your checklist of expectations for happiness. Instead put your focus on sending loving energy to everyone you know this day and every day. It will clear the metaphorical haze around you, so to speak and for the first time you will see and feel all the love you need.”

“Too many people use the fairy tale illusion of living happily-ever-after to define their inner worth,” says Apollon. “Know that true happiness can’t come to you in its many forms until you are able to accept it. Love is all around you and will manifest when you finally learn to let it permeate your spirit, by loving yourself and exuding love to everyone you know. Remember that love is what connects and sustains us all and gives life meaning. Living lovingly feels so good, and when you make the choice to do this, each day can feel like the best Valentine’s Day ever.”

For more information, please visit www.touchedbytheextraordinary.com.

About the Author:

Susan Apollon is an intuitive psychologist, psychotherapist, and healer. For more than two decades, she has specialized in treating children and adults who are traumatized, ill (dealing with cancer and other life-threatening illnesses), grieving, and/or dying. As a master of several healing and energy modalities, a researcher of mind, consciousness, energy, and metaphysics, a student and teacher of intuition, and a survivor of her own challenge with breast cancer, she brings wisdom and compassion to those with whom she works.

An award-winning author, Susan wrote and recorded the book and 11-audio CD package Touched by the Extraordinary: An Intuitive Psychologist Shares Insights, Lessons, and True Stories of Spirit and Love to Transform and Heal the Soul. She is also a contributing author, along with Mark Victor Hansen and Les Brown, to 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life. Her articles have appeared in newspapers and magazines across the country as well as celebrated Internet journals and websites. She has been a frequent guest on national radio and television shows.

Susan believes in the wisdom and capability of each human being to achieve self-mastery. She speaks passionately to organizations and groups about everyone’s ability to live full, satisfying lives, be happy, create their own miracles, and heal themselves. Her workshops and seminars provide a blend of her contagious enthusiasm with her tried and true methods and interventions for healing and creating a joyful and healthy life.
Susan’s love of medicine and healing has its roots in her lineage; she comes from a family of physicians. She has been married for more than forty years to her husband, Warren Apollon, an orthodontist, and is the proud mom of two adult children, Rebecca, an emergency room physician, and David, a management consultant.

About the Book:

Touched by the Extraordinary: An Intuitive Psychologist Shares Insights, Lessons, and True Stories of Spirit and Love to Transform and Heal the Soul (Matters of the Soul, 2005, ISBN: 0-9754036-4-8, $19.95) is available at bookstores nationwide and from major online booksellers.

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05
Feb
Self Acceptance and Embracing Love
admin

Many of us go through life feeling empty of self love.  For those in relationships, it is all too easy to be immersed in this ‘perfectionist’ society that we become critical of our aesthetic flaws.  First it starts out with being unhappy with our looks, then it’s our bodies and lastly, we even put our state of mind down with things like ‘silly me’, ‘I’m such a klutz’ or ‘trust me to get it wrong’.  When in a relationship, carrying around so much emotional baggage leaves us unable to love ourselves let alone love our partner and so we end up feeling lonely in a relationship. Whilst others may be envious of our ‘perfect’ relationship  we are only too aware that this is a facade and that deep down we dislike the person we are and cannot open up to our loved ones about how we feel.  If this is you, do you find yourself:
• Pushing your partner away when he/she makes advances or compliments about you
• Unable to give him/her your full attention because you feel unconfident about your looks and who you are
• Not giving 100% to your relationship because you feel unworthy to be loved, cherished and respected
If this is you then you are certainly not alone.  Your self esteem and self worth have been damaged as a result of some emotional trauma in your life but the good news is that it can be restored in the following ways.
Say ‘yes’ to love
Your partner wants to be with you for a reason and must think you special therefore analyse the reason why you feel you are unworthy of this love?  Asking yourself ‘What does he/she see in me?’ is self destructive and tarnishes the uniqueness of you.  I therefore would like you to write down 10 things that you think is unique about you.  What have you achieved in your life that makes you proud?  Remember you are not seeking validation through your partner’s eyes but are seeking self acceptance in your own.

Accept imperfection
Whilst we are constantly bombarded with images of perfectionism from celebrities on billboards and magazines just take a step back and think how beautiful it is to be imperfect and not like everyone else.  Then ask yourself, does imperfection adversely affect lives in anyway?  Look at celebrities like Sarah Jessica Parker and Victoria Beckham.  They may be successful but they are hardly described as beautiful and ‘perfect’ yet they have made their uniqueness a brand in its own right.

Accept compliments

How often when we are told we look nice do we answer back with a negative statement that does us a disservice?  Never appreciating what others see in us again is damaging to who we are.  So the next time someone says your hair is nice or you are look good before giving a negative criticism of yourself, graciously say ‘thank you’

Erode Insecurity
I have often heard women asking their partners ‘why do you like me?’ or ‘what do you like about me?’  Right there, that spells insecurity.  It shows that we do not love ourselves enough to know who we are. It also demonstrates that we don’t feel as though there is anything to like about ourselves and so we reject the advances and attention of our partners. With this in mind, take a step back and analyse your relationship and the very things that brought you and your partner together.  Having something in common with our partner often bonds us closer so use that as a starting point to keep the relationship fresh.  Also, rather than asking repeatedly why your partner likes you, instead ask yourself ‘why shouldn’t my partner like me?’  He/she’s obviously still with your for a reason, write down why this is so.

Accept intimacy
When with your partner, do you find it easier to have sex than to be intimate in other ways such as cuddling, kissing and holding hands?  Do you run away from having a deeper bond with your partner because you are scared of being ‘hurt’ or ‘rejected’ in the future?  Do you feel as though he/she will see your flaws and judge you negatively? When your partner gazes affectionately at you, do you turn away, scared to reciprocate?  If this is so, you may need to explain to your partner that you need time to get used to the relationship and will need to take things slowly.   If your partner is worth his/her weight in gold and truly values you, they will be patient allowing you to emotionally open up and let them in when you’re ready.  Also, this is an ideal time to work on your ‘friendship’ with your partner as you spend time getting to know each other, trust begins to grow and as trust grows so too will your heart open up the more comfortable and secure you feel in your relationship.  Remember though that a good relationship will not rid you of the emptiness you feel inside, it will however enhance it.  The emptiness inside is because you are lacking in self love and are seeking fulfilment of some kind which may not be solely acquired from a relationship;

 

Samantha is a Certified Life Coach specialising in career, confidence building and parental coaching as well as offering generic coaching. To find out more about her services and to read further articles view www.positive-vision.co.uk

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