No doubt many of you will recognize the 1970 song by Crosby, Stills and Nash.

To me, this song sends a couple of messages:

1.Stop wasting your time over someone who’s not returning your love.
2.If you need to be loved, get it where and when you can.

However, I have gleaned another message from the song. You’re the one you’re with the most, so you are the person you must love. Many of us have a difficult time with self-love. Granted there is a balance to be maintained between having a health

Accept Yourself for Who You Are

Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a big self-improvement fan. But before we get to self-improvement, we must accept that, right now, we are who we are. We’re made up of a host of human, social, political and theoretical identities such as:

• Gender
• Religious/spiritual beliefs
• Political beliefs
• Sexual preferences
• Family identity – mother, father, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, cousin, etc.
• Occupational designation
• Introvert//extrovert
• Educated/uneducated
• Tall, short, fat, thin
• Hair color
• Eye color

We could go on and on. The point is that I want you to appreciate all the things you are. How you look, how you think, and your philosophies of life are all just fine. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone or change one thing to please someone else. Here’s an exercise for you. Write down all the things you are. Beside each item, write down what you like about this item. For example:

My name is Diane. I like this name because:

1. Not many people are named Diane
2. The name has deep roots in history such as Diana, the goddess of hunt
3. It’s easy and simple
4. Many famous people have been named Diane

Or you might say something like this:

I’m in extrovert. I like that about me because:

1. I meet people easily
2. I’m able to make more friends than other people I know.
3. People like me because I’m outgoing and friendly
4. I never meet a stranger, so I always have someone to talk to.

Accept the Fact that You’re Human

This may sound trite but, when we accept our humanness, we can better understand that our powers are limited. You may say, “Hey wait a minute, you’re always telling us we have great powers within us. Now you’re telling us we have limits. What gives?” We all do have wonderful powers. However, these abilities are limited in that, we can’t change other people. We can’t live other people’s lives. We can’t help those who are unwilling to accept our help. We can’t make other people love us.

When we understand and accept the limits of our human powers, we can live our lives with better directed focus, use our power more effectively, and have increased energy to pursue our dreams.

When we fail to harness our power toward a specific direction it becomes diffused and loses its strength. When our power is given to others, it becomes useless to us. When our power is given out indiscriminately to activities that don’t enrich our lives our energies are drained and we become powerless.

Understand the abilities you have, keep them focused on your goals and dreams, don’t let others pull you into their mired lives. Learn to put your strength where it can do you the most good. Love your human power and appreciate its limits.

Learn to Forgive Yourself

Forgive yourself for being human. Learn that because we are human we’re going to make mistakes. We won’t always make the best decisions, and we will sometimes falter and even fail. Realize that it’s the people who aren’t out there trying new things, trying to get better at who they are and what they do who aren’t making mistakes. If you do nothing, it’s pretty difficult to mess up. These are people who gain nothing, who aren’t living life to its fullest, and who never enjoy that wonderful sense of accomplishment.

Every change we make introduces new skills, routines, ideas, and even thought patterns into our lives. It takes time to absorb these, comprehend them and implement them. Patience, repetition, and determination are tools that will help us master whatever we want to achieve.

Love yourself for trying, love yourself for faltering and love yourself for getting back in life and forgiveness will come.

Loving the One You’re With Can Help You Find a Love to Be With

You are with yourself everyday, but are you being with and loving yourself everyday? Take a few minutes daily to practice that. Focus on who are and who you want to become. Enjoy your identities. Change the ones that need changing. Accept those that are unchangeable, but work on making them different and/or better. Take time to love you for who you are. Take time to appreciate your talents and learn how you can build on your strengths and reduce your weaknesses. Love yourself for what you do for others, and more importantly, love yourself for what you do for you.

Only when you get to know and appreciate yourself will you be able to attract the kind of person you want to share time with. This doesn’t mean becoming someone you’re not or changing to please someone else. It means that to attract someone who respects you, you must first respect yourself. If you want a partner or friends or business acquaintances who appreciate you, you must appreciate yourself. And yes, if you want someone to love you, you must first love yourself.

Following the few simple activities discussed in this article will help you do just that. Not only will you reap the benefits, but your family, friends and community will as well. When this happens you’ll have even more reasons to love the one you’re with!

Diane Bogino has been an entrepreneur since 1969. She has been a successful restaurateur, actress, model, clown, magician, workshop leader, coach and trainer.

She has written 4 books. Her most recently published can be found at www.findingyourbootstraps.com. This book is an inspiration to anyone who has struggled with life’s challenges.